About the Struggle of Being Particular

I have always been an outcast. I have always been different from my peers. Whether because I think different, because I am smart, or because I am handsome.

I detest calling myself any of these, because I used to be very narcissistic, and now I consider narcissism a horrible trait. I deeply regret having being narcissistic. But I will not lie to myself: I am more talented and smarter than most. I have also been blessed with my mother's beauty, for which I am truly grateful.

But my true blessing is none of the former. No, my true blessing is my unexplainable wisdom. I think and I observe. I see things most cannot see. I am connected to the underlying reality of the Universe, and the older I get, the stronger this connection gets.

This is my blessing. This is also my curse.

It is my blessing because I have the opportunity to see beyond the obvious, and I have used it to  successfully advance in life. But this is my curse because it has isolated me from those around me.

Everyone is far away. Like a childhood memory. Like a foggy dream behind the mind.

People will not listen to me. And why should they? They do not know what I know, they cannot see what I see. For them, I must be nothing but a charlatan.

So perhaps is time for me to remain silent. Perhaps is time for me to learn for myself, and stop voicing what I see and think. People would just think of me as pretentious or incoherent. I hold no responsibility for people's beliefs. I only own that of my own.

They will not see what I see. But they do not have to.

I have always been an outcast, but I refused to stay alone with my observations of reality. It is about time I changed that.