The Origin of Wisdom

El tiempo realmente pasa rápido. Cuando era niño nunca lo creí. Para entonces los días eran más largos y tranquilos, inclusive aburridos de lo mucho que tardaban en pasar. Cuando era niño... Las cosas son diferentes ahora. La burbuja de seguridad que mis padres mantenían con su propio sufrimiento reventó hace unos años. Reventó para todos nosotros. Los jóvenes de esta generación tuvimos que entender más de lo que nos correspondía. Algunos tuvieron que entender el infierno que representa el futuro, tuvieron que entender por qué su padre solo cena café, y algunos desafortunados tuvieron que entender por qué su madre camina por las calles de Bogotá en medio de la noche. Nacimos para sufrir. Como diría  Nietzsche, " nuestro Dios murió y nosotros lo matamos", y lo reemplazamos con la promesa de una revolución imposible. Lo reemplazamos con caos. Eso era lo único que pensaba cuando estaba pudriéndome parásitamente los meses antes de tomar el avión. Jamás había estado tan ...

Hearing depressive music and closing both eyes helps me to transport my mind to a different place. I like to imagine I am the player of those songs I hear, and it's just me sitting in the middle of my apartment playing my piano, in a far place where everything is fine, where I have a good job, and my mom is happy, my brother is happy, where I no longer have all the preoccupations I have now. Anything that helps me get out of reality for a second or two is pleasant for me. Alleviates all the damage in my head and scares away the negativity I manage to create every second of the day. Sadly though, I still have to wake up, stand up my skeletal body with my rotten soul, and carry it to the end of the day.  I think I'm going to listen some music now. Play some videogames. And sleep to the next day.

I probably won't. And learning how to live with that is one of the hardest challenges in my life. Connecting with someone to the point of meaningful relationship is just too hard when there are so many issues dancing in your mind, or when you are emotionally illiterate. Not getting the opportunity to fully interact with people that share my age is another big problem. I'm just afraid one day I will wake up and cry to the fact that I never had the chance. And when I had it, I just didn't have the confidence to make use of it. I just want to save enough to go to college. That's all, I will take care of the rest of the problems later. I know that is a mistake, but I can not deal with too many things at this time.